Why do people form EMO bands?Because they can't move their fingers and read music at the same time.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Emo Joke Wednesday
Why do people form EMO bands?Because they can't move their fingers and read music at the same time.
The Grim Reaper checks in . . .
Robert Goulet(1933-2007)
I snorted him . . . and can’t get ‘im outta my freakin’ head . . . "Don't let it be forgot, that once there was a spot, for one brief shining moment that was known as Camelot." Ugh – I gotta go shoot a TV.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Inspirational Poster (So Sue Us For Being Lame)
...a tip of the hat to our Domestic/Sibling Issues Correspondent, Dawna Nelson.
Monday, October 29, 2007
We be nice to them if they be nice to us
Friday, October 26, 2007
Musician Joke Friday
What does a stripper, er, "dancer", that is, have to do with her assh*le before she goes to work?Drop him off at his band's rehearsal space.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Banjo Joke Thursday
How is playing the banjo like peeing in a dark suit?It gives you a warm feeling but no one notices and no one really cares.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
"Oh, my God, have I just, like, ruined my whole career?"
The answer, hopefully, is “yes.” During a taping of The Tonight Show on Friday, 10/19, Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry made a visit to raceland.Showing off pictures she’s doctored of herself using computer-based photo booth software, Berry said, "Whenever I'm feeling really bad about the world, I do this to crack myself up. The machine morphs your face to look like all these silly other people." The first photo showed her nose vastly distorted with Berry describing, "This one, I don't know, this is like my Jewish cousin."
The full remark was edited and never made it on air. However, the audience's silence at the attempted joke was painful and left viewers wondering what has happened. Leno's reaction? "I'm glad you said it and not me.” Reportedly, Berry left the taping to burn a cross on her own lawn.
Emo Joke Wednesday
What would an EMO band do if they were awarded a million dollar contract?Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
Well, THAT'S A Fein 'How Do You Do'...
What a glorious day to unveil a new regular feature which we shall call, "A Fein 'How Do You Do' - My True Life Tale of How I Was Snubbed By Seth Fein"
We will kick off our new feature with a story from a man of whom you have probably never heard (and, to be honest, we are aware we are really pushing the envelope by including him as someone even peripherally related to "the local music scene (sic)"), Don Gerard:
"I was putting two packets of the raw sugar in my coffee at Espresso Royale on Goodwin when he walked in. There was no mistaking it was him - meticulously disheveled hair, rugged good looks, black hooded sweatshirt... All heads turned and eyes were cast upon him as he strode through the door, stopped briefly to survey his domain and then shot briskly to the rear of the cafe. As he passed me I loudly announced, "Hello, Mr. Fein", however, alas, no response. He treated me as if I was J. Lo's most recent album. Brrrr...Is it cold in here or is that the new Polar
Latte Slush?"Submit YOUR true tales of snubbery to:
scene-schmene@hotmail.com
...or leave a comment at myspace.com/cumusic_schmusic
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Trombone Joke Tuesday
How many trombone players does it take to change a light bulb?Only one, but he'll spend half an hour trying to figure out what position he needs to be in.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
Musician Joke Friday
A first violinist, a second violinist, a virtuoso violist, and a bass player are at the four corners of a football field. At the signal, someone drops a 100 dollar bill in the middle of the field and they run to grab it. Who gets it?The second violinist, because:
1. No first violinist is going anywhere for only 100 dollars.
2. There's no such thing as a virtuoso violist.
3. The bass player hasn't figured out what it's all about.
Ignore this post...Move along...Nothing to see here...
Don Gerard writes:
"Back when I was playing in bands and worked at Record Service I thought one of the coolest things to do was to discover some amazing little record or band nobody else knew about. It was especially neato if you actually knew the people involved.
Even when I was writing the music column for the News-Gazette I would still discover some band or little-known local or national artist.
Lately that does not happen much, but sometimes...
I got a disc in the mail a while back and it is awesome. Anybody who likes any of the following: Fiona Apple, the Beatles (esp. the "White" album), Lyle Lovett, Chris Isaak, Tori Amos, Squirrel Nut Zippers/Andrew Bird, Robbie Fulks...will find something they like on the disc.
And if folks are really cool they will like the whole thing.
However, nobody is going to buy it so it is still my cool secret.
And I can tell my friends for whom I play the disc my brother's buddy from High School (and my former landlord's son) was not only referred to as "the best musician in the world" by John Fogerty, but also plays on this album.
Not to mention the drummer/producer is also from Champaign and probably has tapes of an 11-year-old Todd Fletcher singing "The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill" (and that he used to force Teef to listen to him play drums along to REO Speedwagon records...and that I know him and he portrays a recurring character on Curb Your Enthusiam and has appeared in programs such as Heroes and Nash Bridges...)
I've said too much.
It is my "best record of the year" and nobody else has it. Nyahh."
Boy...what a dick that guy is.
The Grim Reaper checks in . . .
Busy day . . .Joey Bishop
(1918-2007)
I snorted him . . . he was dry, off-the-cuff and underplayed . . . a true “top banana.”
Deborah Kerr
(1921-2007)
I snorted her too . . .she was versatile, refined . . . definitely an affair to remember.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Banjo Joke Thursday
The sixth fret on a banjo is a lot like the thirteenth floor on a building . . . you don't really need one.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
The Grim Reaper Remembers
John Denver(12/31/43 - 10/17/97)
I snorted him . . . talk about leaving on a jet plane. Whew – take me home, country roads!
Emo Joke Wednesday
How is lightning like an EMO guitarist's fingers?Neither one strikes in the same place twice.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Photos From The Vaults: Volume One: "Wilco v. Wilchlo"
The concerned look on Don Gerard's face is not due to the unfortunate fact he opted to don mustard-colored trousers, but rather the fear Mr. Tweedy and Mr. Bennett may very well lose their grip....tragically, they did, in fact, just that.
However, fortunately for Will and Chloe, it was much later on and the grip lost was metaphoric, not literal.
Mario PuzoFriday, October 12, 2007
Left in the Dark, Right of the Dial...
On Thursday, Oct. 25 a version of one of the greatest C-U rock songs ever, the Vertebrats' "Left In The Dark" (which has been covered by the Replacements, Uncle Tupelo, Hole, Screaming Tribemen, etc.), will appear in an episode of the TV show "Ugly Betty" as performed by the Leonards.
...yeah, we're not gonna watch it either, but it is still cool to note.
Musician Joke Friday
How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?1. None. They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand.
2. Don't bother. Just leave it out--no one will notice.
3. One, but the guitarist has to show him first.
4. Six: one to change it, and the other five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Banjo Joke Thursday
What's the difference between a banjo player & a locksmith?A locksmith gets paid to change keys.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Emo Joke Wednesday
Saint Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter. The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations." St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!" The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children." "Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?" The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime." "Christ on a Bike!" says St. Peter. "Which EMO band were you in?"Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Trombone Joke Tuesday
What is the difference between a terrorist and a trombone player?Terrorists have sympathizers.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Bottoms Up!
Tammy Warner killed her husband . . . with an enema. Warner maintained that her husband Michael was addicted to enemas and often used alcohol in them to get drunk because he was unable to guzzle due to a throat ailment. Michael died on May 21, 2004. An autopsy showed he had been given a sherry enema and had a blood alcohol level of 0.47 percent, almost six times the legal limit in his home state of Texas. Negligent homicide charges have been dropped due to insufficient evidence.Friday, October 5, 2007
Musician Joke Friday
What's the difference between a drummer and a stagecoach driver?The stagecoach driver only has to look at a couple horses' asses.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Bach to the Future
LeRoy Bach (Wilco, Liz Phair, 5ive 5tyle, Bowery Boys, etc.) will be playing bass with Iron & Wine on the Late Show with David Lettermen on Friday, Oct. 12.
“You Don’t Have the Power to Stop Me!”
Still running on adrenaline from his recent standoff with Sudanese officials, former President Jimmy Carter threw his weight around at his hometown grocery store after entry was blocked by Manager Joe "Smiley" Brubeck. I told him, “Mr. President, we open in 30 minutes. If I let you in early I have to let everyone in early. Please respect our posted hours of operation.” Carter left and returned 42 minutes later to do his weekly shopping. In an interview later, Mr. Carter played down the encounter, saying the manager was only doing his job.Wednesday, October 3, 2007
The Grim Reaper checks in . . . (also Emo Joke Wednesday)
Ian MacKaye(1962-2007)
I tried to snort 'im, but it turned out the bloke weren't dusty yet . . . plenty crusty, just not ready for the boog sug express.
No, Seriously, Won't Someone Buy Don Gerard's Memories?
A cool, RARE press/promotional item for the band, The Moon Seven Times. You get a REALLY COOL official record company 8x10 B&W publicity portrait photo of The Moon Seven Times. It's in EXCELLENT condition, suitable for framing. Fans will REALLY dig having this CLASSIC official press image! Winning bidder pays $6 for priority mail shipping in the U.S., or $3.50 for first class shipping in the U.S. All others must be quoted. U.S. money orders, personal checks, and PayPal accepted.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Monday, October 1, 2007
Condolences
We will suspend our usual nonsense today to extend our condolences to Edward Burch who lost his younger - and only - brother, Tom, this past week. Edward noted in a statement:
"It was a pulmonary embolism, and he went very quickly and suffered little. He was 37...Hope you are well, and when you get a moment, please raise a glass for me and for you and for a brilliant young man who, as my cousin Al put it, has 'shucked the earthly husk' and his troubles are no more."
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