Trombone Joke Tuesday

Band Director: "What's the subdominant of F major?" Trombonist: "What? I thought F major was the subdominant!"

*cricket*
*cricket*

The Grim Reaper checks in . . . again, again

Bill Walsh
1932-2007

You know what they say, "I always snort in threes."

Brilliant. No wonder they called him “The Genius.”

The Grim Reaper checks in . . . again

Ingmar Bergman
1918-2007

Busy day.

I snorted him. His was a foreign, yet refined taste . . . probably the finest in my experience.










BONUS!

Igmar Berman tells a knock-knock joke:

"Knock knock."

"Who is there?"

"Nobody. You are all alone."

The Grim Reaper checks in . . .

Tom Snyder
1936-2007

I snorted him . . . he was smoky and casual, yet robust. He tickled me.

Me and the boys will be playin' all night

Peter Criss’ lucky number is three . . . it’s tattooed on his arm and seems to be a guiding force in his life. He’s on his third marriage, he’s weathered three breakups with KISS and he’s just released his third post-KISS solo album.

Many of his songs deal with the pain of the breakups he's endured. "I sing about the band, I sing about the good times, the bad times," Criss said in an interview. Much of the album is light-years away from what he recorded with Kiss, such as a cover of Stephen Sondheim's Send In The Clowns. Criss got the idea soon after ending his final Kiss tour. "Ace not being there was tough for me," Criss said. "So that last night, I just knew it was my last night with the band. I think they knew it, too. It just wasn't working without him. Putting other guys in our costumes and makeup is to make money. It's not the real deal. It's not The Lone Ranger, not Hopalong Cassidy, it's not Santa Claus."

Released on Tuesday, 7/24, “One for All” has already set a record for the speed at which it hit the bargain bins. Not since William Broad’s holiday album has a work been so universally reviled.

The Grim Reapurr . . .

(AP) -- Oscar the cat seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when nursing home patients are going to die, by curling up next to them during their final hours. His accuracy, observed in 25 cases, has led the staff to call family members once he has chosen someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live. The 2-year-old feline was adopted as a kitten and grew up in a third-floor dementia unit at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center. After about six months, the staff noticed Oscar would make his own rounds, just like the doctors and nurses. He'd sniff and observe patients, then sit beside people who would wind up dying in a few hours. It's also possible his behavior could be driven by self-centered pleasures like a heated blanket placed on a dying person. Oscar seems to take his work seriously and is generally aloof, "This is not a cat that's friendly to people," a spokesperson said.

Musician Joke Fridays

What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?

Who cares - neither one's a guitar

Dr. May, Calling Dr. May

Brian May, lead guitarist for Queen, will soon be known as Dr. Brian May, Ph.D. Seems that May left work on a doctorate in astrophysics in 1970 to form the legendary rock band. According to the BBC, he's always wanted to complete the degree saying, "It was unfinished business. I didn't want an honorary Ph.D. I wanted the real thing that I worked for." May is scheduled to turn in his thesis, "The Rock of the Rock that Rocked you when you were Rocked", in about two weeks.

Emo Joke Wednesday

What do you call an EMO singer who breaks up with his girlfriend?

Homeless ...

Trombone Joke Tuesday

A trombone player and an accordion player are playing a New Years's eve gig at a local club.

The place is packed and everybody is absolutely loving the music.

Shortly after midnight, the club owner comes up to the duo and says, "You guys sound great and everybody loves you! I'd like to know if the two of you are free to come back here next New Year's eve to play?"

The two musicians look at each other then to the club owner and the trombone player says "Sure, we'd love to. Is it OK if we leave our stuff here ?"

The Grim Reaper checks in . . . again

Don Imus
(1940-2007)

I tried to snort him . . . turns out he’s not dead after all, just turning 67.

Oops.

Happy Birthday, a-hole.

Slytherin home after a long wait . . .

From international correspondent Sari Maw:

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows smashed U.S. sales records by selling 8.3 million copies in the first 24 hours . . . that’s over 345,000 books sold an hour, nearly 5,800 books a minute and almost 100 books a second. Some early buyers stayed up all night to read the 750+ page book in its entirety. Many expressed disappointment in the conclusion, learning that the entire series was a dream of a Chicago psychologist.

The Grim Reaper checks in . . .

Tammy Faye Messner (Bakker)
(1942-2007)

Joel Siegel
(1943-2007)


I snorted them . . .

I found her to be irritating.

His was a discerning taste.

Murph & The MagicTones

Enjoy the Internet Jupe-Box (or, *GASP!* a real live band!) whilst you download your pirated music at Mike & Molly's, just one of many WiFi hotspots in beautiful, somewhat less smoky Downtown Champaign!

The Best Local Band You've Never Seen

The Great Crusades

...former C-U band to forgo Pygmalion Music Fest-A-Palooza and tour Europe instead. Enter now to win tickets for CUMS.BS Bus Trip to Essen!

Musician Joke Friday - an oldie but a goodie

What do you say to a guitarist in a 3-piece suit ?

"Will the defendant please rise ..."

WWJD . . . with kung-fu grip?

According to the AP, on Tuesday Wal-Mart said it will test sales in some stores of biblical action figures whose makers say they are aimed at Christian parents who prefer their children play with Samson, David or Noah rather than with a comic book character. A Wal-Mart Stores Inc. spokesperson said the toys made by One2believe, a Valencia, Calif., company, will be offered in 425 of Wal-Mart's 3,376 discount stores and Supercenters. One2believe Chief Executive David Socha said his products were part of a "battle for the toy box" with dolls and figures that he said carry negative messages. "If you're very religious, it's a battle for your children's minds and what they're playing with and pretending. There are remakes out there of Satan and evil things," Socha said.

No word yet from “The Big Guy” on the project or his cut.

The Cat Lick Church

Emo Joke Wednesday

How do you get two EMO singers to sing in perfect unison?

Shoot one.

Hugs from Boys (w/guns)

About midnight on June 16, a group of friends was finishing dinner on the patio of a Washington D.C. home when a hooded man slid through an open gate and pointed a handgun at a 14-year-old girl's head. "Give me your money, or I'll start shooting," he said.

Everyone froze, but then one guest spoke up. "We were just finishing dinner," Cristina Rowan, 43, told the man. "Why don't you have a glass of wine with us?" The intruder had a sip of their Chateau Malescot St-Exupery and said, "Damn, that's good wine." The girl's father, Michael Rabdau, 51, told him to take the whole glass, and Rowan offered him the bottle. The would-be robber, with his hood down, took another sip and a bite of Camembert cheese and put the gun in his sweatpants. Then the man with the gun apologized, "I think I may have come to the wrong house. Can I get a hug?" Rowan stood up and wrapped her arms around the man and the four other guests followed.

The man walked away a few moments later with the crystal wine glass in hand. No one was hurt, but once he was gone, the group went inside, locked the door and called 911.

I can't make this stuff up . . .

According to Reuters, twelve hundred troops from Poland were deployed to Afghanistan in June as part of a NATO buildup to patrol the Pakistan border, searching for Taliban forces, but Polish commanders admitted that they would not be combat-ready for several weeks because the keys to ALL their Humvees had been stolen.

I got nothin' against mankind. It's people I can't stand.

The longtime chairman of the Rhode Island’s Roger Williams University board admitted Monday to using the N-word during a board meeting, saying it "kind of slipped out."

Ralph Papitto, 80, said he apologized, adding, "What else can I do? Kill myself?" Papitto, who stepped down earlier this month after nearly 40 years on the board, admitted he had used the racial slur at a May meeting of the school's board of trustees. He had been discussing the difficulty of finding blacks and other minorities to serve on the 16-member board. Barbara Roberts, then a board member, said Papitto became irate when he discussed pressures to make the board more diverse, at one point using the slur to refer to black candidates to the board.

Papitto, who has given the school at least $7 million and whose name is on the only law school in Rhode Island, said he had never used the term before. "The first time I heard it was on television or rap music or something," he said.

Trombone Joke Tuesday

What kind of calender does a trombonist use for his gigs?

Year-at-a-Glance.

A Fein How-Do-You-Do

A guy who has stated he is a Jew and a Christian winds up catching a home run hit by a guy named Angel Pagan.

Huh.

Discuss.

Musician Joke Friday (Slight Return)

What is the difference between [insert least favorite local rock band here] and a vacuum cleaner?

I don't know either. Once they are plugged in they both suck.

...tip of the hat to RockandRollConfidential.com.

Something Big Is Brewing...

Tonight (Friday the 13th) at Huber's The Backyard BBQ Band line-up will be: Doug "Make Mine a Harp" Schroer on harmonicas; Randy "Gotta Be A Big Guinness" Cordle on mandolin and lap steel; Steve "Those Beers Look Regular Size To Me" Long on upright bass; and Rob "Big Beer Fan#1" Krumm on guitar.

Musician Joke Friday

How do you know when the stage is level?

The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

More Breaking News?!

International correspondent Sari Maw filed the following:

A group of investigators embarks this week on a new attempt to discover whether famed aviator Amelia Earhart may have died as a castaway on a remote South Pacific island. The expedition by 15 members of The International Group for Historic Aircraft Recovery, will be the group's ninth visit to Nikumaroro, located about 1,800 miles south of Hawaii. The group will spend 17 days searching for human bones, aircraft parts and any other evidence to show that Earhart and her navigator, Fred Noonan, reached the island on July 2, 1937, crashed on a reef at low tide and made it to shore, where they possibly lived for months as castaways, written off by the world as having been lost at sea. Despite an official finding that they ran out of gas and crashed in the ocean, the case spawned a once-popular claim that the pair were captured and executed as spies on a Japanese-held island.

In reality, those in the know, understand that Ms. Earhart has been living comfortably in outer space with The Biavians.

The Grim Reaper checks in . . .

Lady Bird Johnson
1912-2007

I snorted her . . . she was mild, active and environmentally pure.

Breaking News?!

This just in from international correspondent Sari Maw:

A story in the U.K.’s The Mail reports that, 36 years after the fact, Jim Morrison’s death may be reinvestigated as a drug overdose. According to his death certificate, Morrison, who was found dead in the bathtub of his Paris apartment at the age of 27, died from natural causes. Now, a friend of Morrison’s, claims the rocker died of a massive heroin overdose in the bathroom of the Rock n Roll Circus club in Paris, France and was then moved to his apartment as part of a cover-up meant to protect the drug dealers that provided the lethal narcotics.

In other news, it has been confirmed that it is, in fact, Grant in Grant’s Tomb.




1960 D.A.R.E. Student of the Year

Emo Joke Wednesday - Bonus Batter!

Fer cryin’ out loud . . . isn’t enough enough?

What is it with the media playing judge and jury in the Phil Spector trial? Can’t we just stop for a moment and celebrate the genius that developed the “wall of sound” and produced some of the greatest singles of all time?

What’s this . . . the judge in Phil Spector's murder trial decided Monday to let jurors hear from a security guard and former NYPD detective who says he heard the record producer rant against women and declare they should all be shot in the head after being thrown out of Joan Rivers' Christmas party for brandishing a handgun?!

Cripes. Never mind.

Emo Joke Wednesday

Two guys were walking down the street ...one was destitute ...the other was in an EMO band as well.

Where's the Beef?

Dance veteran Moby is criticizing organizers of the Live Earth concerts for selling meat at the shows. The vegan musician quoted statistics that livestock breeding and the gases emitted from the animals is a huge contributor to the greenhouse gases in the environment.

”Yesterday at the 'live earth' concerts people were eating hamburgers and hot dogs and chicken, which is akin to getting drunk at the funeral for someone who died of alcohol poisoning. It's just depressing that some huge truths about climate change are too inconvenient even for the well-intentioned left.”

Shortly after the rant, a group of school children cornered and pantsed him.

www.bitboost.com

Mac version not available.

Trombone Joke Tuesday

What's the difference between a trombone and an onion?

No one cries when you chop up a trombone.

Musician Joke Friday - Monday Edition!

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None - we use a machine to do that now.

...tips o' the hat to Dawna Nelson & Edward Burch!

Test Your Baseball Knowledge!

The Noiseboy has a new blog!

TRIVIAL BASEBALL

But he made it out . . . with a bullet in his back

Seven men escaped from a police detention centre in Manila by sawing through prison bars while the officer guarding them kept nipping out to the toilet because of an upset stomach. "Every time the guard went to the toilet, the prisoners took out a small saw and cut off the bars of their cell" a local police chief said.

He saved the last dance for me.

Bill Pinkney
(1926-2007)

Last original member of The Drifters

WWII Veteran

Pitcher, New York Blue Sox (Negro Baseball League, 1940’s and 1950’s)

1988 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee

I snorted him and he was some kind of wonderful!

Musician Joke Friday

What’s the least used sentence in the English language?


“Look at the guitar player’s Cadillac!”

On your marks. Get set. Gore!

Former Vice President Al Gore's son was arrested early Wednesday on suspicion of possessing marijuana and prescription drugs after deputies pulled him over for speeding. Al Gore III was driving a Toyota Prius about 100 mph on the San Diego Freeway when he was pulled over about 2:15 a.m. by Sheriff’s Deputies. The deputies said they smelled marijuana and searched the car. They found less than an ounce of marijuana along with Xanax, Valium, Vicodin and Adderall, which, supposedly, is used for attention deficit disorder.

[Editor’s note: Forget the story . . . is anyone else amazed that a Prius can go 100 mph?]

Emo Joke Wednesday

What is the best kind of pizza?

An emo pizza because it cuts itself.

Happy 4th!

Laibach and Take It

So, you know how on the cover of the first Great Crusades album Mike Rader looks kind of sinister and creepy as if he is the type who would be utterly tickled by watching a video of Laibach covering the Rolling Stones' "Sympathy for the Devil"...?
...but you figure that was just some kind of act he put on and he really is a guy who spends his time fastidiously fussing over his herb garden and signing petitions for Peta?

Nope.

Hey Don,

I always wondered what those elementary school gigs were like. I wish I had that in my day. Speaking of videos, thanks to YouTube I’ve recently become reacquainted with my favorite Yugoslavian cover band:

Nobody does ‘em with that kind of panache anymore. No way.

Best,
Mike