Cheers!

Musician Joke Friday

How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter as long as everyone gets a turn.

Two please . . .

Wal-Mart turns a corner . . . wocka, wocka, wocka

Paul's Pissers

Sometimes I get pissed off.

Today’s topic: Hannah Montana

Surely I’m not the only one irritated that a teen TV star can act like a rock star and sell out arenas in minutes while the reformed Van Halen has postponed a concert in St. Louis due to “disappointing” ticket sales. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Hannah (or whoever she really is). Today, kiddies - my general state of pissed offedness is aimed at the ticket buying public or, even better, St. Louis as a piss poor music town. Sammy Hagar comes to town – boom, sold out. Diamond Dave announces a stop in The Lou - they can’t give the tickets away and the concert is postponed five months. Bruce Springsteen has not announced a St. Louis date on the latest E-Street Band tour. Word on the street is he’s avoiding the city after his 2003 stop didn’t sell out (the only stop on the tour not to) and audience members started filing out in droves before the final encore. Better yet, earlier this year, up and comers The Hold Steady could only get booked into a club with a capacity of 100 and, over the summer, a package tour of ZZ Top, The Pretenders, The Stray Cats and the Gin Blossoms came to town. They were booked into the same 22,000 seat venue Hannah Montana sold out in minutes in November 2007. The house was less than half full when headliners ZZ Top took the stage. That pisses me off.

Dead Celebrity Birthday of the Day

Paul Winchell
b. 12/21/22
d. 06/25/05

Ventriolquist (voice of Jerry Mahoney and Tigger) and inventor of the artificial heart.

Happy Holidays!

...tip of the red cap with the white pom pon to Edward Burch!

Yeah, Saw That One Coming...

Banjo Joke Thursday

If your car is sliding out of control, and you have the choice of running over a banjo player or an accordion player, which one should you choose?

Either one. You can always get the other on the second pass.

Ho, Ho . . . Ho No!

A helicopter carrying Santa Claus to a Christmas party in Rio De Janeiro came under fire recently. The chopper was hit by two rifle shots Sunday. It is believed that gang members attacked the helicopter thinking it belonged to police (a common occurrence).

Emo Joke Wednesday

How can you make a million bucks as an EMO band?

Start with two million!

Makes A Great Holiday Gift

...in stores now.

Trombone Joke Tuesday

Why was the trombone player staring at the Orange Juice?

Because the label said, "Concentrate."

The Grim Reaper checks in . . .

Dan Fogelberg
1951-2007

I snorted him . . . longer than there've been fishes in the ocean.

Musician Joke Friday: "I Don't Get It."

...yeah, and your point is, what?

Greedy Loves UPDATE!

Here is all the happenin' news of the day about C-U's favorite poprock trio, the Greedy Loves!

Thursday, December 13, 2007.

Guitarist/vocalist Kent Whitesell's cousin (Matt Herges) and cousin-in-law (Todd Hundley) were named in the Mitchell Report.




UPDATE update - Kent sez!

"My cousin Marci is married to Todd Hollandsworth (Hollindsworth ?) not Todd Huntley or whatever..."

Authorities Have Not Confirmed or Denied Whether The Custodian Was Actually Steven Adler

ROXBURY, Conn. (AP) — State police say a teacher at Booth Free School barricaded herself inside a classroom Wednesday when she mistook someone singing a Guns N' Roses song over the public address system for a threat.

She was working after hours and thought no one else was in the building. Then she heard someone say over the loudspeaker that she was going to die.

Six troopers and three police dogs showed up and found three teenagers, one of them a custodian at the school, who had been playing with the public address system.

Police say one of them sang "Welcome to the Jungle" into the microphone. The song contains the lyrics "You're in the jungle baby; you're gonna die."

The teenagers were cuffed for about 15 minutes while police investigated. They didn't realize anyone else was in the school at the time. No charges will be filed, said state police Sgt. Brian Ness.

Rehabilitated!

It appears time in the slammer really helped her turn her life around and put others first . . . Paris Hilton has gone “green.” Hilton said she turns off the lights, doesn't leave the TV on or the water running when she leaves her house.

We wish her well this holiday season as she continues to master the “on” and “off” controls of various “thingys” around her house.

Banjo Joke Thursday

What's the difference between a good banjo player and Bigfoot?

There have been sightings of Bigfoot.

The Grim Reaper checks in . . .

Ike Turner
1931-2007

I snorted him . . . brutal

Emo Joke Wednesday

How can you tell the difference between all the EMO songs?

By their names…

Trombone Joke Tuesday

How can you tell if a trombone player is well hung?

You can put two fingers between his neck & the rope…

Paul's Pissers

Sometimes I get pissed off.

Today’s topic: Dan Fogelberg’s holiday “classic” Same Auld Lang Syne

Granted – the man’s a musical genius, the proverbial leader of the band. However, every songwriter has their clunker. Look at The Police and “Every Breath You Take”, or U2 and “Desire” or the Sammy Hagar years of Van Halen . . . it happens. Fogelberg burdened us with Same Auld Lang Syne in 1981. For most of my life I have hated this song and its go-nowhere, never-ending verses and mind-numbing chorus. A couple weeks back, I turned on the Christmas radio station and guess what the first song of my holiday season was? Ugh. What’s even worse is somehow between last season and this one something changed . . . it didn’t sound as bad as I remembered. In fact, I found myself kind of enjoying it . . . kind of like that great feeling of scratching a mosquito bite before you realize that you’ve broken the skin

That pisses me off.

What?!

Hannah Montana, the new Beatles, played a concert in Chicago on Saturday. Illinois Governor Blagojevich was in attendance with his wife and daughters. "In our home, it's either Sports Center or the Disney Channel, and I usually lose. So I've watched each Hannah Montana episode three times," the governor reported.

I guess running the state is not as taxing on your time as I’ve imagined.

F*ck Music - It's FOOTBALL FRIDAY

It is time to turn things over to our GUEST COLLEGE FOOTBALL MAVEN (on loan from SmilePolitely.com) Mr. Seth Fein!

Seth is a stalwart supporter of the black & gold Boilermakers of Purdue University and he is here to give us the lowdown on all the hard-hitting, gridiron action so far this season and preview the team's exciting Boxing Day (Canada) clash with ___________ [ed. insert name of team here if anyone can figure it out by press time] in the Motor City Bowl to be televised on ESPN2.

"The amount of disappointment in the Fein household regarding Purdue football can only be measured in vomit. Year after year we are teased in the pre-season with big victories over mid-level teams - only to squander any sense of dignity to the hands of better coached and better recruited Big Ten schools. What a world. I am looking towards basketball now... "

Tis The Season...

We cannot remember what today's theme is supposed to be.
This should about cover it, though.

Emo Joke Wednesday

How can you tell an EMO kid from a bunch of grapes?

That’s a hard one, ‘cause when you jump up and down on both you get w(h)ine.

Trombone Joke Tuesday

Trombone players are a lot like sharks--they think they have to keep playing or they'll sink

And To All Of Our Jewish Friends We Wish...

Mz. Liz Mozzozzoccocco, THIS ONE IS FOR YOU!

The Grim Reaper checks in . . .

Robert Craig "Evel" Knievel
1938-2007

I snorted him . . . and then had the uncanny urge to jump over me pool.

Musician Joke Friday

Why don't bass players like to go to the beach?

Because cats keep trying to bury them.

It's a Mini...Mall.

...tip of the hat to Rob Krumm.

Huh. Who Knew?

Banjo Joke Thursday - cross marketing edition

What do you get when you throw a banjo and a trombone off the Empire State Building?

a. Who Cares…

b. Applause . . .

Emo Joke Wednesday

What's the difference between an EMO kid and a puppy?

If you ignore a puppy long enough it will stop whining…

Dead Celebrity Birthday of the Day

Jimi Hendrix
b. 11/27/1942
d. 9/18/1970

Bruce Lee
b. 11/27/1942
c. 7/23/1973

Trombone Joke Tuesday

How many trombone players does it take to eat a opossum?

Two, one to eat it & one to watch for cars.

The Grim Reaper checks in . . .

Kevin Dubrow
(1955-2007)

I snorted him . . . drives a bloke mad, ‘e does. I had the overwhelming urge to put on me suspenders and put Woody on me shoulders and let him solo.

Much better than I thought . . .

Check it yourself . . . click here.

Another Special O'Cajun

Robert Krumm writes:

Just a quick heads-up about some really good Louisiana Creole/Cajun music coming to Champaign-Urbana. Morris Ardoin & Friends will be playing on Thursday, Dec. 6, on-campus at the Illini Union (room 314). This will be a FREE dance, open to all ages and everyone in the community. Dance lessons will also be featured. Here is the schedule.

Thurs., Dec. 6
Morris Ardoin & Friends
Illini Union
Zydeco dance lesson at 6:30pm
Cajun dance lesson at 7:30pm
Dance lessons by Ken & Carole Gall
Dance at 8:30pm

From Duralde LA, Morris Ardoin is the oldest son of Creole accordion legend Bois Sec Ardoin and the father of young accordion ace Dexter Ardoin To many, the Ardoin family is the first family of Creole & Zydeco music in southwest Louisiana. A lot of what you hear many bands play (Geno Delafose, Steve Riley and the Mamou Playboys and others) stems from the Ardoin family.

For many years, Mr. Morris led the Ardoin Family Band and this group played many concerts, including shows at Carnegie Hall. Talented on both accordion and fiddle, Mr. Morris plays traditional Creole French music that has been handed down for many generations on the prairies of southwest Louisiana. For this show, Mr. Morris will be joined by Dennis Stroughmatt on accordion, Jennifer Stroughmatt on guitar and percussion and yours truly on guitar.

No dance partner or experience are necessary. Donations will be welcomed at the door. For more info - jencart7@yahoo.com or call 217-352-2803.

Put it on your calendars and I hope to see a bunch of you there.

Rob

School of Rock

Brian May, rock star and astrophysicist, has been appointed chancellor of Liverpool John Moores University. The 60-year-old Queen guitarist said the appointment was "a great honor and a great new challenge." May completed his doctorate in astrophysics earlier this year.

Emo Joke Wednesday

How are Emo bands and bowling balls alike?

Eventually, they all end up in the gutter...

Represent*, YO! *...by using mathematical charts and graphs, please.

Rap represented in mathematical charts and graphs

...tip o' the hat to genius brother

Trombone Joke Tuesday

When I grow up I want to be a trombone player" said little Peter. "I'm sorry dear," said his mother, "you'll have to make up your mind. You can't have both--you can either grow up or be a trombone player."

The Grim Reaper checks in . . .

Dick Wilson
(1916-2007)

I snorted him . . . it was an embrace that like none other, almost as if it were forbidden.

Pre-Gobblefest Gig

Wednesday, November 21, 9pm - @ Jillian's